You know what I miss?
I miss the flirty games people played in high school.
I miss having a crush on someone and getting butterflies when I saw them or even going to the canteen because the opportunity was there that I just might see them.
There was one boy in particular. And I miss the complete happiness I felt when he hugged me or sat next to me on the bus. Or even a simple text from him complaining about school.
I miss knowing he was staring at me, and deliberately not catching his eye so he could keep on staring.
I miss the flirty jokes we'd tell each other and the stories about our pretend passionate love affair that I secretly wished was real.
I miss getting ready for school and taking time on my appearance, knowing deep down it was for him. The butterflies I'd get every morning when I'd get off the school bus and he'd be there to give me a good morning hug, and in the afternoons when he'd give me a hug goodbye.
The worst times were when I had to let go of him every afternoon, and I even miss that. I miss putting my head into his neck and feeling his arms around me and thinking how wonderful he smelt.
I miss his cheeky, mischievous smile and the way he didn't even pretend like he wasn't looking when I caught him. He was shameless, so confident.
I didn't know of anyone who didn't like him. Everyone who got to know him liked him. He was like a magnet, everyone seemed to gravitate towards him when he was around.
And even though I resented the effect he had over me and the fact that I could never tell him how I felt, I still miss it.
Because now, I'm out of high school, he's still there, and I don't like anyone. I miss it.
And I'm really excited for the time when I feel all these things again.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
I wish I was the muscles in your arm as you reached up to get something off a high shelf in the kitchen,
Or the soft skin under your eye where your lashes rest when you sleep.
I wish I was your bottom lip and felt every one of your smiles and was the empty space in your hand when it closed into a fist.
I wish I was that sound your throat made when I kissed you.
I wish I was the space your body curled around on the bed at night, and the tile you rest your head on for a second in the shower when you’re tired.
I wish I was the second before you woke up, when you could still believe everything was okay.
I wish I was the exhale when you sighed.
I wish that for every silly birthday candle, I was your wish.
Or the soft skin under your eye where your lashes rest when you sleep.
I wish I was your bottom lip and felt every one of your smiles and was the empty space in your hand when it closed into a fist.
I wish I was that sound your throat made when I kissed you.
I wish I was the space your body curled around on the bed at night, and the tile you rest your head on for a second in the shower when you’re tired.
I wish I was the second before you woke up, when you could still believe everything was okay.
I wish I was the exhale when you sighed.
I wish that for every silly birthday candle, I was your wish.
I thought I'd list my Top 5 favourite books. You might not find it interesting, but I love it when people recommend their Top 5. I've found a few of my loved stories this way.
1. Holding Up The Sky: An African Life by Sandy Blackburn-Wright.
Wow. This became my absolute favourite book.
It's an autobiography and it follows Sandy's life as she goes to live in Africa in 1988 to 2003.
She falls in love with a black South African man and the things they go through being in a mixed race relationship is very confronting.
I've always had a fascination with Africa, and I am saving my money to eventually go there one day. And this book taught me about how things were when Apartheid in South Africa was very present and war was just around every corner.
Some of the things I especially loved about this book were the traditional African celebrations and festivals that she witnessed. I was so envious whilst reading this book.
I'm not sure if others would have the same connection to Sandy in this autobiography as I did, or whether you would like it much. I loved it because she lived my dream. She was a blonde haired, blue eyed girl from Australia who was in love with the ways of life and culture and environment of Africa. That's me in a nutshell, and I think this is why I loved this book so much.
2. In My Skin, by Kate Holden.
Such an amazing story. It's autobiographical. A memoir. And it's very confronting. It's about her life as a uni student and how she gets involved with drugs and becomes a heroine addict, and then a prostitute to pay for her addiction.
As the reader you feel sympathetic for Kate. And almost protective when she talks about what people thought of her and looked at her in the street. And even though I don't agree with what she did, drugs and prostitution, it gave me a better understanding and now I won't be so quick to judge a heroin addict or prostitute again.
I encourage everyone to read this book. It changed a lot of my views and opinions, and helped me discover something that I have never been exposed to.
3. Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen.
Basically it's from the point of view of a young man named Jacob. And he joins the Benzini Bros Most Spectacular Show on Earth, which is a circus that travels around the country by train. The story follows his life in the circus and his growing affection for Marlena, a performer, and an elephant named Rosie.
I highly recommend this book.
4. The Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.
It is the story of what it's like to grow up in high school. More intimate than a diary, Charlie's letters are singular and unique, hilarious and devastating. We don't know where he lives. We don't know who he is writing to. All we know is the world he shares. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it puts him on a strange course through uncharted territory. The world of first dates, family dramas, and new friends. The world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where all you need is that perfect song on that perfect drive to fell infinite.
I loved this short novel. Patrick is my favourite character. But you really do feel like Charlie becomes a close friend by the end of this.
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling.
Need I say more?
If you HAVEN'T read Harry Potter, leave now. I have a lot of strong opinions about people who have not read Harry Potter. ESPECIALLY about people who don't read the books yet still see the movies and complain that they don't understand them or that they were lame.
I love every book in the series, but Goblet of Fire would have to be my favourite :)
These were my Top 5 :)
I would be thrilled it this compelled you to read even one of these books. Because in my opinion they are all fantastic.
Some other books I HAD to mention are:
Looking For Alaska by John Green
Paper Towns by John Green
Chocolat by Joanne Harris
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hossieni
The Book Reader by Marcus Zusak
Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare :)
1. Holding Up The Sky: An African Life by Sandy Blackburn-Wright.
Wow. This became my absolute favourite book.
It's an autobiography and it follows Sandy's life as she goes to live in Africa in 1988 to 2003.
She falls in love with a black South African man and the things they go through being in a mixed race relationship is very confronting.
I've always had a fascination with Africa, and I am saving my money to eventually go there one day. And this book taught me about how things were when Apartheid in South Africa was very present and war was just around every corner.
Some of the things I especially loved about this book were the traditional African celebrations and festivals that she witnessed. I was so envious whilst reading this book.
I'm not sure if others would have the same connection to Sandy in this autobiography as I did, or whether you would like it much. I loved it because she lived my dream. She was a blonde haired, blue eyed girl from Australia who was in love with the ways of life and culture and environment of Africa. That's me in a nutshell, and I think this is why I loved this book so much.
2. In My Skin, by Kate Holden.
Such an amazing story. It's autobiographical. A memoir. And it's very confronting. It's about her life as a uni student and how she gets involved with drugs and becomes a heroine addict, and then a prostitute to pay for her addiction.
As the reader you feel sympathetic for Kate. And almost protective when she talks about what people thought of her and looked at her in the street. And even though I don't agree with what she did, drugs and prostitution, it gave me a better understanding and now I won't be so quick to judge a heroin addict or prostitute again.
I encourage everyone to read this book. It changed a lot of my views and opinions, and helped me discover something that I have never been exposed to.
3. Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen.
Basically it's from the point of view of a young man named Jacob. And he joins the Benzini Bros Most Spectacular Show on Earth, which is a circus that travels around the country by train. The story follows his life in the circus and his growing affection for Marlena, a performer, and an elephant named Rosie.
I highly recommend this book.
4. The Perks of being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.
It is the story of what it's like to grow up in high school. More intimate than a diary, Charlie's letters are singular and unique, hilarious and devastating. We don't know where he lives. We don't know who he is writing to. All we know is the world he shares. Caught between trying to live his life and trying to run from it puts him on a strange course through uncharted territory. The world of first dates, family dramas, and new friends. The world of sex, drugs, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, where all you need is that perfect song on that perfect drive to fell infinite.
I loved this short novel. Patrick is my favourite character. But you really do feel like Charlie becomes a close friend by the end of this.
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling.
Need I say more?
If you HAVEN'T read Harry Potter, leave now. I have a lot of strong opinions about people who have not read Harry Potter. ESPECIALLY about people who don't read the books yet still see the movies and complain that they don't understand them or that they were lame.
I love every book in the series, but Goblet of Fire would have to be my favourite :)
These were my Top 5 :)
I would be thrilled it this compelled you to read even one of these books. Because in my opinion they are all fantastic.
Some other books I HAD to mention are:
Looking For Alaska by John Green
Paper Towns by John Green
Chocolat by Joanne Harris
The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts
Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer
The Kite Runner by Khaled Hossieni
The Book Reader by Marcus Zusak
Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare :)
I don't know why but I have an intense fascination with other people's bedrooms and living spaces.
The things they have, the different furniture, art, clothes, styles. And almost every time I see someone elses room I'm envious of them. I think 'I'd looove to have a room like this'. But I probably wouldn't like it if it was my own room.
My room is African themed. I've always had a love for Africa.
The walls are painted a burnt orange and I've got four large wooden giraffes, the tallest is right up to the ceiling and then the other three different sizes. I've got a big carved wooden mirror, and dark brown vases with gold embossed pictures of elephants and zebras on them.
I love my room. But I still can't help but be jealous of most other people's rooms even if they really aren't even my personal style.
When I move out I want a small apartment.
I want to paint the walls a creamy yellow colour and have orange or yellow curtains.
I want old, antique like furniture and mismatched plates and tea cups. I like a relaxed, messy, completely comfortable environment. I hate those impeccably clean houses full of white and stainless steel.
I like homes that you can feel comfortable in. Like touching something won't make a mess, homes that you aren't afraid to get messy.
I'm naturally untidy, and I like that fact. I feel more comfortable if I'm in someone's home and it's not ultra clean.
I imagine sitting on the balcony at night drinking red wine and eating raw cookie dough, because that's my style lol. And cooking extravagant and adventurous foods when I have enough money left over from rent, and mi goreng noodles or noodle box when I don't :)
I found some photos on iheartit.com that really make me excited to one day find my own apartment. I want the relaxed atmosphere that's conveyed in these photos :)
The things they have, the different furniture, art, clothes, styles. And almost every time I see someone elses room I'm envious of them. I think 'I'd looove to have a room like this'. But I probably wouldn't like it if it was my own room.
My room is African themed. I've always had a love for Africa.
The walls are painted a burnt orange and I've got four large wooden giraffes, the tallest is right up to the ceiling and then the other three different sizes. I've got a big carved wooden mirror, and dark brown vases with gold embossed pictures of elephants and zebras on them.
I love my room. But I still can't help but be jealous of most other people's rooms even if they really aren't even my personal style.
When I move out I want a small apartment.
I want to paint the walls a creamy yellow colour and have orange or yellow curtains.
I want old, antique like furniture and mismatched plates and tea cups. I like a relaxed, messy, completely comfortable environment. I hate those impeccably clean houses full of white and stainless steel.
I like homes that you can feel comfortable in. Like touching something won't make a mess, homes that you aren't afraid to get messy.
I'm naturally untidy, and I like that fact. I feel more comfortable if I'm in someone's home and it's not ultra clean.
I imagine sitting on the balcony at night drinking red wine and eating raw cookie dough, because that's my style lol. And cooking extravagant and adventurous foods when I have enough money left over from rent, and mi goreng noodles or noodle box when I don't :)
I found some photos on iheartit.com that really make me excited to one day find my own apartment. I want the relaxed atmosphere that's conveyed in these photos :)
I found these on iheartit.com. I LOVE iheartit, I've found so many beautiful things on there.
I'm not sure who to credit for these, because people who put them on iheartit.com don't credit them. So if you see anything here and it just happens to be yours lol, just let me know :)
I have a small art book similar to these. Mine certainly isn't as amazing and intricate as these are though. But I just love them. They inspire me.
I'm not sure who to credit for these, because people who put them on iheartit.com don't credit them. So if you see anything here and it just happens to be yours lol, just let me know :)
I have a small art book similar to these. Mine certainly isn't as amazing and intricate as these are though. But I just love them. They inspire me.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
The long, yet necessary, introductory post.
Well, look what we've created here.
A blog. Seems like the thing to do these days doesn't it?
I'm not sure what my blog is going to be about exactly. But it will probably just be scraps of writing, insight into my life, bits of art here and there, fashion, and photographs. A diary of sorts, but with the honesty that can only come from an anonymous person on the internet.
Wow, those last 5 words just put me in the same category as stalkers and creepers, at least, it sounds like it. I'll never refer to myself as that again. Lol.
So a bit about my life...hmm.
Like most, it's very complicated, yet very simple.
So much happens, but when you get to telling people about it its as though nothing has happened at all and you're a very boring person. I guess I would consider myself to be a very imaginative person. I don't really pay attention (my grades in high school paid for that), and most of the time when someone is talking to me I look like I'm listening, but for the record, I'm probably not, I'm off in my own little world.
I love to read, and everything I read fuels my imagination. It's both good and bad. I create people in my mind, characters you could call them, although they don't seem like characters to me, just people, and then I find myself comparing my friends to these characters in my head and they always come up inadequate.
I broke my ankle in January. At a show. So I couldn't walk for 3 months. Then I needed crutches. Then I broke my ankle again in a different spot. So I couldn't walk for another three months. So that brings us to August. I'm finally on my feet and thinking 'Where has the year gone?'
But I came to a realization, see, when you are unable to walk and are forced to stay at home for days at a time, you do a lot of thinking. Like, I mean, an INSANE amount of thinking. I mostly read books, which furthered my thinking. And I came to the conclusion that I was actually grateful for my injuries.
It made me realize so much about the friends I had, the interests I had, the plans I had, and most importantly, I realized so much about myself, because I spent so much time on my own. In a way, I got to know me, what I really liked and disliked, my own personal style, the way I think etc.
I still can't really tell you what I'm like, because it is very complicated.
People can tell people what others are like, but when it comes to themselves it becomes an impossible task.
I think I have actually grown to really like myself. And as they say. You can't love someone until you love yourself.
And that is one thing I would like. To love someone. To find someone that is like me, except completely different. I see photos of couples and read stories and it's like it's become a group that I so desperately want to join. These people are so lucky. It really is like an elite group of people that I wish to be a part of one day.
So this blog will be kind of like a journey. With stories and photos I find on the way, things that influence me, make me happy, make me sad, things that happen in my life, my thoughts. It will also be filled with books, because, well, that's who I am. I'm the girl people go to for advice on a good book to read. There will probably be a few in-depth thoughts. Because sometimes I think so much I just have to write it down. If anyone ends up reading this there will be questions as well I hope. Because I like reading how other people think, because I've been told my own way is strange.
So this was the long, unnecessary, yet completely necessary introduction to my blog.
Hi, my name is Bridget :)
Nice to meet you.
xx
A blog. Seems like the thing to do these days doesn't it?
I'm not sure what my blog is going to be about exactly. But it will probably just be scraps of writing, insight into my life, bits of art here and there, fashion, and photographs. A diary of sorts, but with the honesty that can only come from an anonymous person on the internet.
Wow, those last 5 words just put me in the same category as stalkers and creepers, at least, it sounds like it. I'll never refer to myself as that again. Lol.
So a bit about my life...hmm.
Like most, it's very complicated, yet very simple.
So much happens, but when you get to telling people about it its as though nothing has happened at all and you're a very boring person. I guess I would consider myself to be a very imaginative person. I don't really pay attention (my grades in high school paid for that), and most of the time when someone is talking to me I look like I'm listening, but for the record, I'm probably not, I'm off in my own little world.
I love to read, and everything I read fuels my imagination. It's both good and bad. I create people in my mind, characters you could call them, although they don't seem like characters to me, just people, and then I find myself comparing my friends to these characters in my head and they always come up inadequate.
I broke my ankle in January. At a show. So I couldn't walk for 3 months. Then I needed crutches. Then I broke my ankle again in a different spot. So I couldn't walk for another three months. So that brings us to August. I'm finally on my feet and thinking 'Where has the year gone?'
But I came to a realization, see, when you are unable to walk and are forced to stay at home for days at a time, you do a lot of thinking. Like, I mean, an INSANE amount of thinking. I mostly read books, which furthered my thinking. And I came to the conclusion that I was actually grateful for my injuries.
It made me realize so much about the friends I had, the interests I had, the plans I had, and most importantly, I realized so much about myself, because I spent so much time on my own. In a way, I got to know me, what I really liked and disliked, my own personal style, the way I think etc.
I still can't really tell you what I'm like, because it is very complicated.
People can tell people what others are like, but when it comes to themselves it becomes an impossible task.
I think I have actually grown to really like myself. And as they say. You can't love someone until you love yourself.
And that is one thing I would like. To love someone. To find someone that is like me, except completely different. I see photos of couples and read stories and it's like it's become a group that I so desperately want to join. These people are so lucky. It really is like an elite group of people that I wish to be a part of one day.
So this blog will be kind of like a journey. With stories and photos I find on the way, things that influence me, make me happy, make me sad, things that happen in my life, my thoughts. It will also be filled with books, because, well, that's who I am. I'm the girl people go to for advice on a good book to read. There will probably be a few in-depth thoughts. Because sometimes I think so much I just have to write it down. If anyone ends up reading this there will be questions as well I hope. Because I like reading how other people think, because I've been told my own way is strange.
So this was the long, unnecessary, yet completely necessary introduction to my blog.
Hi, my name is Bridget :)
Nice to meet you.
xx
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