You know what I miss?
I miss the flirty games people played in high school.
I miss having a crush on someone and getting butterflies when I saw them or even going to the canteen because the opportunity was there that I just might see them.
There was one boy in particular. And I miss the complete happiness I felt when he hugged me or sat next to me on the bus. Or even a simple text from him complaining about school.
I miss knowing he was staring at me, and deliberately not catching his eye so he could keep on staring.
I miss the flirty jokes we'd tell each other and the stories about our pretend passionate love affair that I secretly wished was real.
I miss getting ready for school and taking time on my appearance, knowing deep down it was for him. The butterflies I'd get every morning when I'd get off the school bus and he'd be there to give me a good morning hug, and in the afternoons when he'd give me a hug goodbye.
The worst times were when I had to let go of him every afternoon, and I even miss that. I miss putting my head into his neck and feeling his arms around me and thinking how wonderful he smelt.
I miss his cheeky, mischievous smile and the way he didn't even pretend like he wasn't looking when I caught him. He was shameless, so confident.
I didn't know of anyone who didn't like him. Everyone who got to know him liked him. He was like a magnet, everyone seemed to gravitate towards him when he was around.
And even though I resented the effect he had over me and the fact that I could never tell him how I felt, I still miss it.
Because now, I'm out of high school, he's still there, and I don't like anyone. I miss it.
And I'm really excited for the time when I feel all these things again.